Tragic events happen every day, and in ways we least expect. Many individuals know that they need to apologize to someone they love but fail to do so out of pride or ego. As a result, the opportunity is lost to make things right if that person dies before they can apologize. It’s important to recognize there may be times when an attempt to make amends could cause additional harm to the other person. In these cases, making amends can involve helping people more generally, such as volunteering or donating money to a specific cause. There were times it seemed we were being nagged by feelings of fear, rage, hurt or shame with no clear explanation.

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It requires good judgment to navigate the intricacies of making restitution with a sense of responsibility and sensitivity to avoid causing further damage, lest we make the wreckage of the past worse. Today, I know my words have value whether they pay attention or not. If they didn’t pay attention, I do my best to let them suffer the consequence. If they take my what is a living amends words for granted, sometimes, I take a break from talking.

The AA Amends Script: A Full Breakdown and PDF

It involves specifying the alcoholism particular behaviors and actions that led to harm, ensuring the admission is not vague or wishy-washy. Developing your amends script shouldn’t be an isolated endeavor. A sponsor plays a critical role, offering guidance and expertise during script development and approach. Leveraging their personal experience working the 12 steps, sponsors provide relevant advice and insights tailored to individual recovery journeys. They help navigate the complexity of making amends, advising on whether the suggested form of amends is appropriate and constructive.

Step Series

When someone struggles with addiction, they are not the only ones affected. Individuals battling substance abuse can become different versions of themselves and make decisions or behave in ways that hurt their loved ones. Addiction is often isolating, which can make quitting difficult. With proper treatment, individuals can become sober and turn their lives around. In a sober living house, members can transition out of treatment and adjust to their new substance-free lifestyle.

• Firstly, it allows the person in recovery to separate themselves from the disease of addiction, recognizing that their past actions were not a reflection of their actual values and character.
• Assess whether the person you’re approaching is prepared to engage in the conversation about amends, as it can significantly impact the outcome.
• While many people are receptive and supportive to attempts to make amends, some are not.
• If you promised your father to help him mow the lawn on Sundays, but years have passed, and you’ve never once shown up, start now.
• That is also a different ball of wax entirely, one that we have written about here.
• Repairing previous harm also assists in helping you rebuild important relationships which may have been impacted by addiction.

Getting Started

• The willingness to make amends lays the groundwork for genuine attempts at reconciliation and restitution, and improved relationships with others and ourselves.
• It highlights the essential work of aligning one’s actions with values, moving away from past behaviors, and towards a meaningful and forthright way of living life sober.
• This is a grieving process, done in stages that begin with denial and move us into anger and sadness.
• It’s a transformational part of addiction recovery that takes courage, self-awareness, and a willingness to change.
• Don’t choose a time or place that doesn’t work for the other person.5.

This might mean delaying the amends or finding alternative ways to demonstrate your commitment to change without putting yourself at risk. The goal is to maintain your recovery while striving to make things right. Apologies can only go so far in repairing past pain, but it’s a place where you need to begin to heal.

Trust God. Clean House. Help Others.Living Amends

Not everyone can make amends by being in the same space as a person they harmed. The wounds may be very deep and not close to being healed, even years later. In this case, making what some people refer to as a “living amends” is an alternative option.

Making living amends primarily benefits you and not the people you’ve wronged in the past. It’s about making positive changes within yourself so that you don’t repeat old patterns of behavior that led to your broken relationships in the first place. The changes that occur due to your efforts positively affect your commitment to becoming a better friend, child, parent, or person all around. Hurting the ones you love is a common result of behaviors related to addiction. Your past drinking or drug use has shaped your relationships with family members for years now, and just starting recovery isn’t enough to repair the damage done.

Taking the time to let the other person express how they were affected can promote a more effective healing process, as well as make things less ‘about us’ and more about the person affected. This means maybe putting away the cell phone if you are with someone making amends, or turning down background noise if you are making a call to make amends. Do whatever possible to show respect for the situation and the person to whom you are making amends is the order of the day. We must refrain from deflecting responsibility onto others or justifying one’s harmful actions while expressing remorse, or it discounts the whole activity. Understanding these types can help tailor your script to your specific needs, and these can vary from person to person for whom you have to make amends. The willingness to make amends lays the groundwork for genuine attempts at reconciliation and restitution, and improved relationships with others and ourselves.